“Bezdirilici İntellektual”

“bezmək” yox, “bezdirilmək”

Bezginlik hardan çıxdı? O, qətiyyən bezməmişdi. Bezdiyi tək şey “bezmisiz?” sualı idi. Onu da “bezmək” yox, “bezdirilmək” olaraq ifadə edirdi. Başını o divardan bu divara çırpırdı, olmurdu. Döşəməyə çırpırdı, olmurdu. Sonra heç kimin eləmədiyini eləyib, ayağının altına stul, onun da altına stol qoyub, başını tavana çırpırdı, yenə olmurdu. (Ayağın altına stul qoyandan sonra, stulun altına stol qoymağı evdə yoxlamayın!) O, başını tavana çırpanda, üst qonşu yumruğunu döşəməyə çırpmaq istəyəndə, binanın cinləri gülməkdən cırılırdılar. Cırılan cinlər diyarında nə baş verdiyindənsə, nə qonşunun, nə də onun xəbəri vardı. 3 şeydən bezdirilmişdi:

1. Bədii Kitablar

2. Bədii Filmlər

3. Təbii Demolar

Bədii Kitablar…

İnanmırdı. Heç bir yazıçıya inanmırdı. Hamısı uydururdu. Yalan danışmaq istəyən sələflərin bu istəklərini onu zəhərləyərək həyata keçirmələrinə, haradasa, bezdirilirdi. Mübaliğələrdən qusmağı gəlirdi. Bu qədər murdar materialı qəbul etdiyinə görə insanlar tərəfindən dəyər görməyi də ayrı bir xəstəlik idi; bundan da bezdirilirdi. “Yazıçı təbiəti çox qəşəng təsvir edib, elə bil baharı özü yaradıb”, “yazıçı insanın iç duyğularında elə gəzib ki, romanın ardını oxumaqdan qorxuram”,  “sanki məni yazıb” kimi cümlələr quranlara “indi deyirsiz ki, o yazıçı tualetə getmirdi?” cavabını verməkdən çəkinmirdi. Hamı elə bilirdi ki, o, paxıllığından belə davranır. Heç kim onun bezdirildiyini düşünmürdü.

Bədii Filmlər…

İnanmırdı. Heç bir rejissora, heç bir ssenaristə inanmırdı. Hamısı uydururdu. Elə təsirli uydururdular ki, hər dəfə kinodan çıxandan sonra bir neçə saat hansısa personajı oynayırdı. Onun xoşbəxtliklərinə sevinərək içindəki dərin mülahizələri unudurdu. Daha doğrusu, dərin mülahizələr bir neçə saatlıq uyuşurdu. Kinoya getmək isə hələ də qanuni bir əyləncəydi. Yaşamaq həddindən artıq əyləncəli və bezdiriliciydi. Ona görə bezdiriliciliyi, əyləncəliliyindən daha şiddətliydi.

Təbii Demolar…

Hər gün ruhundan vücuduna bir duyğu yükləyirdi. Bunu bəzən leqal yollarla, bəzən də illeqal olaraq edirdi. İlleqal yüklədiyi bütün duyğular viruslu çıxırdı. Həm “demo versiya”, həm də viruslu… Leqallar nisbətən daha maraqlıydı və original qarşılığına meyl etdirirdi. Nə qədər meyl etdirsə də, demoydu və bizimki bunlarla doymurdu. Original versiyaya qədər gözləməkdən bezdirilirdi.

Hər gün 3 cümlə dilə gətirməklə kifayətlənirdi:

  1. 3D problemlərinizdən bezdirilmişəm!
  2. Bezdirilmişəm ki, gedəcəm!
  3. Hara gedim ki, bezdirilməyim?

İnternetdə Avstraliyada çoban axtarıldığına dair elanı gördü, 3-5 əşyasını götürüb çoban olmağa getməzdən əvvəl 2 aylıq sürətləndirilmiş tütək kursuna yazıldı. Ondan sonra da o gedən getdi. Deyirlər ki, yaxşı tütək çaldığına görə, Sidney barlarından təklif alsa da, o qoyunlara çalmaqla kifayətlənir…

 Vuqar Həsəni

mm

Hər yayımda təqdim olunan mövzu başlıqlarında müəllifi olduğunuz və ya tərcümə etdiyiniz məqalələri bizim veb-səhifəmizdə yayımlıya bilərsiniz.

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