Nostalgiya

Nostalgiya

Xəyyam Namazov

Hər kəs unudulmayacaq bir iz buraxır səndə Və hər kəs özüylə bir şeylər aparır səndən… Bir daha bir-birinizi görməyəcək olsaz belə, heç vaxt qopmursunuz bir-birinizdən. Bəzən, sadəcə bir işarə bəs edir bütün o münasibətləri yenidən yaratmağa, o zaman uçurumunu keçməyə, o buzları əritməyə…  Sadəcə bir qoxu, bir söz, bir əşya və ya bir baxış, artıq nə isə nə…

Hisslər ağırlaşır yenə, xatırladıqca, canlandırdıqca keçmişi, ürəyində deyil əsla, sadəcə beynində. Və qəribə bir ehtiras, onu yenidən duymaq hissi. Bir zəng uzaqlığında olduğunu bilmək, neçə illərdir heç bu qədər real görməmişdi bəlkə də …

“Bəlkə…”, deyirsən. Dəstək əlində, və onun səsi gəlir, “alo”, “alo, kim lazımdır?” deyə… Dizlərin əsir, ürək döyüntülərin qulağında, nəfəsin kəsilir… yenə eyni sözlər boğur sanki səni…

Toparlanır bədən, Və Anlayırsan! Bir daha o hissi yaşaya bilməzsən. Çünki şərtlər uyğun deyil, nə o həminki “o”dur, nə də ki, sən həminki “sən”… Nə də zaman o zaman deyil. Sadəcə bir nostagiya duyğusu, havada nostalgiya qoxusu, qulaqlarda sizin həzin musiqiniz… Hər şey yox olur birdən. Dəstək asılıb, hədiyyə kitab öz yerində, illərcə xatırlanmamaq üzrə, yaşatdığı xatirərlə birlikdə rəfin ən arxa tərəflərinə qoyulur yenidən.

Və geri çevrilirsən, bu günə, bu ana, reallığa… Və bir daha anlayırsan. Hər kəs unudulmayacaq bir iz buraxır səndə Və hər kəs özüylə bir şeylər aparır səndən… Bir daha bir-birinizi görməyəcək olsaz belə, heç vaxt qopmursunuz bir-birinizdən…

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